Lim Shi Ying
Block 428 Bedok North Road
#02-631 Singapore(460428)
Contact Number: 91234567
Email: tyanne_lim@hotmail.com
Block 428 Bedok North Road
#02-631 Singapore(460428)
Contact Number: 91234567
Email: tyanne_lim@hotmail.com
September 11, 2012
Miss Lam See Cheong
Human Resource Manager
Singapore Tourism Board
Tourism Court 1, Orchard Spring Lane
Singapore 247729
Human Resource Manager
Singapore Tourism Board
Tourism Court 1, Orchard Spring Lane
Singapore 247729
Dear Miss Lam,
I chanced upon this career opportunity from the Careers@Gov Website
and would like to express my interest for the position, Research Analyst
Assistant in Singapore Tourism Board. I will be graduating from National
University of Singapore in June 2013 and I would like to be part of this organisation
which is known for innovation, excellence and partnership with other industries
where my passion towards the tourism sector can be put into good use.
I recently embarked on a project with Singapore Tourism
Board where I analysed the slogans and strategies carried out by your company
in marketing Singapore as a must-see destination. I believe my thorough
analysis in this area puts me in a favourable position in measuring the
effectiveness of the campaigns and providing accurate statistical and analytical
reports for the organisation.
During my June holidays, I secured an internship with
Stats.R Pte. Ltd. I had first-hand experience in dealing with real performance
figures for various companies that outsourced to our statistical firm. With the
knowledge of SPSS that I have learnt from my course of study, I am competent in
accurately computing statistical data for customers, which are important
reports that will affect their KPIs (Key Performance Index) and P&L
(Profits and Loss) statements. I believe my knowledge with SPSS and experience
in analysing reports would complement the work your company does to generate
accurate analytical statistics and results.
Thank you for taking time to view my
application. I have enclosed my resume for your consideration. I look forward
to a face-to-face interview with you to discuss my suitability for this
position. I can be contacted at 83831983 or tyanne_lim@hotmail.com at your convenience.
Your Sincerely,
Lim Shi Ying
Lim Shi Ying
Signature
Enclosed Resume
Enclosed Resume
Hi Shiying,
ReplyDeleteI think your application letter brand you very well because your job application is exactly targeted in tourism sector as well as your internship. It is instinct from others that you are more capable and experienced in this field. You also mention that you have great passion in it which implies you have a lot of potential to progress and make more benefit for the corporation.
You also include plenty of details in your cover letter showing that your major——statistics enable you to analyse and compute accurate statistical data for customers. Education is another unique brand, which may differ you from other competitors who may just want to be tour guides or marketing sellers.
If I were the human resource manager, I would hire you anyway.
Thank you Dingding for your compliment!
ReplyDeleteHi Shiying,
ReplyDeleteI do not really understand what a Research Analyst does but through what you have written, I guess it has something to do with statistics. I believe you have clearly stated how the project you had undertaken and the internship experience you have had would contribute to the success of the company since you are very familiar with STB. Overall, I get the impression that you know exactly what they are looking for. I agree with Ding Ding in that you have tried to include everything that is relevant to brand yourself for this job opening.
In the third paragraph, I feel there is a repetition in the third (“computing accurate statistical data”) and fourth (“generating accurate analytical statistics and results”) sentences. Perhaps you might want to rephrase the fourth sentence or replace it with something else.
Here are some other suggestions I have:
1. “I chanced upon this career opportunity …” --> if you say recruitment, it seems like you are the one hiring somebody
2. “… I would like to be part of this organisation which is known for innovation …” --> not necessary to include ‘your’
3. “I recently embarked … where I analysed the slogans and strategies …”
4. “… measuring the effectiveness of the campaigns and providing accurate …”
5. “I had first-hand experience in dealing with real performance figures for various companies that outsourced to our statistical firm.”
6. “With the knowledge of SPSS that I have learnt from my course of study, I am competent in accurately computing statistical data …”
7. “I believe my knowledge with SPSS and experience in analysing reports would complement the work your company does to generate accurate analytical statistics and results.” --> I think by saying the company ‘assists’, it makes the company sound less significant.
8. “Thank you for taking time to view my application.” --> ‘Review’ implies that they are relooking into your application.
I hope this helps :D
Thank you Ronald!
ReplyDeleteI have made the necessary changes!! You are my saviour. I would have submitted an error-FULL application letter if not for you.
Thank you so much for your help in my grammer and sentence structure!!
Shiying
Last Edited on 20 Sept, 7:44pm
ReplyDeleteHi Shiying!
ReplyDeleteAfter making the changes to your cover letter i think its really good. And your brand your self pretty well. Rohit has mentioned most of the stuff and the grammatical errors are corrected. So nothing more to add.
Sumea